Monday through Thursday are a blur. I don't know why, but I am having to work really hard to remember anything about the beginning of this week. The one exception is the amazing time I had at Meg and Justin's house on Monday evening.
As we know Thursday rolled around and I was emoting and finding my compassion compass, again.
Friday isn't terribly clear, either. I remember what I wore and that I was late for work so I took my makeup bag to work and applied a quick face before I had to "face" any of my co-workers. There were a lot of meetings and I was on auto-pilot. Information overload. I sat in the back and journaled. I WAS LISTENING...it's just I am an excellent multi-tasker.
Upon arriving home I switched on the local news. I RARELY do this as it is mostly just sad. I saw the "first" student I ever really connected with (14 years ago) being hauled into jail for calling in a bomb threat at the airport. That was the breaking point. His mug shot, his image, his story...I couldn't handle it. I broke down. I called my mom. My dad brought me fajita tacos. I curled up in bed and cried. Even Mary didn't like me. She refused to cuddle with me and kept giving me the butt end of her body. Nice, right? I realize, at this point, I have left my make up at work. Thankfully it is the ONE Saturday out of the school year the school will be open.
Saturday morning I woke up two hours late. I left the house with wet hair and arrived on campus to put make up on, introduce myself to my classroom neighbor (who was diligently working...legitimately working...unlike me) and made a quick trip to Barnes and Noble to purchase Najla and Kamilah birthday gifts.
I can BARELY keep it together in the children's book section. Why? Who knows. At this point if someone breathes wrong I am liable to shed tears.
With little time to waste I am annoyed by the "wait" at the check out counter. I place my purchases down. I am "coyly" checking out this issue of US Weekly when I hear the man checking me out let out a noise of frustration and annoyance. He looks at me and says, "The computer just kicked me out of the system." Jokingly, I replied, "Oh...I was wondering what I had done to offend you." And I laugh.
He says, "I am never offended."
I say, "Oh yeah. I guess I don't offend easily, either. Instead I just get hurt. That's my problem."
He says, "I am Buddhist." (I knew this...he was dripping in the beads of his beliefs...but in a really lovely manner.)
He goes on to say, "The Buddha told his son, 'When you are feeling upset, sad, etc. just be the earth.' So I tell myself, 'Be the earth,' if I am feeling offended."
"The earth? Why the earth? Tell me about that."
(A huge line is forming behind me but I don't care at this moment.)
"Yes, the earth. Think about what we do to the earth. We urinate on it. We defecate on it. We vomit on it. We treat it poorly. Yet we can plant a tree in it and treat it well. The earth knows no difference. It just 'is,'."
Crickets from my side of the counter.
"Would you like your items in a bag?"
"Yes, please."
Huge score at Half Price Books today. (Yes...I am always in a book store or around books or on Amazon. It's a disease, I tell you!)
Still in shrink wrap...I don't care that this costs 30 dollars. I am listening as I type and I feel really smart and really cool and like this moment belongs in a movie.
In loving memory of Michael Roman Morales. Happy Birthday to my angel with really big wings!
