When She Was Little She Thought She Was a Fairy

(Authors Note: The photo below is NOT the Pilates Method of Movement; rather Ariel Yoga)

For those of you who know me on a personal level...you know that my sleep is erratic, at best, and filled with horrific dreams of fear, anxiety, twisted landscapes and frightening scenarios which often awaken me with a gasp and a muted scream.  It is pretty much a nightly event I have come to anticipate, accept and (only recently) process and move through.  The first dream I can remember was when I was five years old.  My mother's advice...always talk them out with someone.  Unfortunately, outside of my therapist, not too many people think it is "cool" to share dreams.  (Especially when I lead with, "Hey...you were in my dream last night!)  

About a month ago I was granted reprieve.  Ahhhhhhhh!  I had a dream I could fly.  God, it was glorious.  The catch was, I could only fly with a special silk scarf held in my hands.  The scarf was vintage with a 1950's floral pattern.  It was worn and tattered at the ends and I remember thinking, "When this falls apart, how will I ever fly again?"

With the scarf I was capable of not just flight...but flight with movement.  Kind of like Cirque de Soleil but not being held by anything...just lifted by sheer will and the magic of my scarf.  

I woke up with a smile and a sense there was nothing I could not conquer.  That day was a good day.

Monday I had the privilege of attending an Ariel Yoga Class at Soft Sensuous Moves.  My pole instructor, Jennifer Huff, is completing her practical hours in order to receive her certification later this month; so she has graciously extended an invitation to other instructors as "guinea pigs"...if you will.  

I was looking forward to the experience all week in an attempt to (almost) recreate my "sweet dream."  In Ariel Yoga, you are literally lifted and suspended (at times) by fabric referred to as "silks."

I don't know exactly what this movement is called...but what I can tell you is that you MUST push your thighs in towards the silk in order to support yourself.  

This is something I have given a LOT of thought to for a LOT of years.  I believe I started my Pilates practice in 2002.  Wow!  10 years.  Wow!  (Yes...I JUST did the calculation in my head.)  And...for the record...I still feel like a "beginner."  

In Pilates, much like in this Ariel Yoga class, and even in my Pole Fitness class I am moving WITH THE ASSISTANCE of "something" else. (Pilates Mat class notwithstanding...but sometimes that isn't even the case.  Another blog for another time!)

I have always found this such an interesting metaphor for life.  I can not tell you the THOUSANDS of times I have been on a reformer or cadillac, chair, barrel, pole and now silk and crunched up into my own body out of absolute fear of the physical unknown.  This, of course, has made ANY movement IMPOSSIBLE.  Through trial and error, patience and practice, understanding and trust...I have learned to "lean into" or "give myself to" the springs, the ropes, the handles, the straps, the silks, the pole, the circles, and even the floor and wall for support.  And in that support I am able to create STABILITY to allow for MOBILITY and ultimately a successful physical experience connecting my mind to my body and vice versa.  

When life gets hard I tend to want to crunch up into myself in a literal and metaphorical fetal position.  But I have found that if I lengthen out from a rooted center and lean into my support system...I am going to fly!

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Intentions....

My intention was to scan in ALL the Holiday cards/photos I received during the season. I think I speak on behalf of EVERYONE when I say the holiday season can sometimes be crazy and the very best intentions sometimes do not always come to fruition. The plan was to spend Christmas Eve holed up in my house scanning and blogging. But....the best laid plans, right?

In the very early hours of Christmas Eve a storm blew in and left some pretty bold gusts of wind for most of the day. As a result, I lost power at roughly 1:30pm and it was not restored until 7pm. Needless to say there was to be no scanning, no blogging, no television, no heat, no light...just me, Julia Child, some candles and a tiny little book light that was of precious little assistance. Once the power was restored I threw my overnight bag into the car and drove to mom and dad's, lest I fall victim to the powerlessness again and once again be "trapped" by an incredibly heavy garage door. (That was my only real obstacle.) Oh...and there was the small stomach bug that surfaced in the midst of "lights out!" A great Christmas Eve, to say the least! I kept looking towards the heavens and then towards the earth and saying, "Which one of you is responsible for this? Whomever it is...you've got an interesting sense of humor!"

This is all the light I had to read by. I was growing increasingly more flustered with each passing, powerless, moment. I wondered, "What have we devolved towards? People lived like this for ages and I can't even live like this for 6 hours?!?!?!?"

Here's the thing....the urge to scan and upload has passed! Sorry friends...it was a great idea but rather arduous and laborious in execution.

Today I celebrate my mother's birthday! Happy birthday, mom! As many of you know dad and I hosted a surprise party for mom last week. It was so wonderful to see friends and family all gathered together to celebrate my mother....an amazing woman! And I think she was really surprised! (Despite several close calls....my Tia Velma saved the day!)

I do not think a parent can possibly love a child anymore than my mother loves me! As Diane Keeton says in "Because I Said So"...."It is an impossible kind of love." It is a love that I do not understand and so I often think I fall so short of holding up my end of the relationship. I suppose that is why parents are often so eager to become grandparents....RETRIBUTION!

To you on your very special day, Mom....

Mom and her special birthday dessert....

Mom and I celebrating her birthday at The Grill @ Leon Springs.

Mom celebrating with her dear friend, Elsa Jasso.

There are MANY "to-do" things on my "list." I prefer not to call it a "bucket list" because I find that term cliche' (but that is another issue entirely.) Perfecting the art of pie making is something I fully intend to realize before my "time is up." This has long been a goal of mine but I was too afraid to actually attempt the task. Being a bit of a perfectionist I knew that the first few hundred attempts would likely result in failure; and I simply do not attempt activities where I might fail. (That is the perfectionist part of me taking over.) However....yesterday I decided to put one foot in front of the other and tip toe over the "starting line."

First of all let me set up the scenario....I was upstairs practicing Pilates...rocking it out, really! I was feeling strong and warm (despite months of near lethargy). I mean...sure I was a bit "tight" but it wasn't anything I hadn't worked through before. Moving into "spine stretch forward" I was feeling good, connected, and accessing all the "right muscles"...keeping it small rather than "showy" considering it had been a while. Then I decided to treat myself with a full stretch forward. I was moving and breathing through the stretch when I heard and felt a "pop" in my low back; like a rubber band snapping. I immediately knew this must have been important because I couldn't move and was stuck on the floor for a few minutes. I couldn't figure out how to "get up." I felt QUITE OLD in that moment and figured "movement" had sought vengeance for my laziness. I managed to get up and called mom who suggested a few "opposite direction" movements. From that moment forward I could stand, lay flat on my back, flat on my belly or kneel. In other words....spine needed to be "straight" (and I use the term "straight" VERY losely!) So....since I couldn't sit down, I decided to face my fear and bake a pie!

I improvised...a bit...because the only Crisco I had was grossly expired. As a result this is an all butter crust. I also think I used the wrong blade in the food processor. The butter never got "beat" into pea-size balls and thus the dough was clumpy and impossible to roll out. I kept using more and more flour to "un-stick" the dough from my rolling pin and my counter tops and I have since learned that will "over-process" the dough and result in a chewy texture. Sure enough...it did. The pie is just as ugly as can be. However....it smelled DAMN good while it was baking. I opted for an apple filling and tossed in some bourbon for good measure. I will say the inside is very tasty, if not a tad too "liquid-y." (Bourbon needs to be better portioned out...)

Overall...I am happy with my first attempt. I faced a big fear, I am on my road to warming the hearts (and tummys) of my loved ones and I have a "pie expert" coming over in two weeks to give me a tutorial. (Shout out Meredith Jones!) My goal is pear pie with Gruyere baked in the crust and some sort of deliciously fresh strawberry pie!

Here is my little pie....my first little pie....(I am throwing it out because I won't eat it and it is pretty tough. But I might toss a piece Jace's way. She is like "Mikey" with the sweets!)

Before you roar, please take a deep breath.

Goodnight, dear friends! If I do not blog before the New Year (which is a VERY distinct possibility) allow me to wish you and yours the happiest of celebrations! May His grace bless you all with another prosperous New Year!

There's No Crying In Baseball....

I have neglected to blog all week! This wave of laziness is shameful. Despite the fact I am on summer vacation, I found myself insanely busy all week. Additionally I suffered two days of tummy icky-ness and all I wanted to do was lay around and mindlessly navigate Facebook! Yes...there it is...the REAL reason I have neglected the blog. It's Facebook. I believe anyone who has experienced Facebook will not deny the culpability of that wicked little site. (Of course...I am in no way responsible for my own behavior!) Thank you, dear blog, for allowing me back in spite of my capricious nature.

Today I celebrate baseball! I also celebrate the fact that I am summoning up the courage to write about something of which I know very little about. Why baseball? Well....it occurs to me this entire week was filled with some sort of baseball or softball like activities. It is my understanding this was All-Star Week? (I end that statement with a question mark because I am hoping one of you boys can validate this fact.) No, I didn't watch any of it but I did notice a lot of "boy chatter" on Facebook about what I can only imagine was related to All-Star Week and/or some sort of Fantasy Baseball League? (Again the question mark....someone please validate!)

Additionally I have been giving a lot of thought to the "mechanics" of baseball. I realize this statement is likely baffling to most of my readers. Allow me to explain. As you all know many athletes have begun to incorporate Pilates into their fitness program....for a number of reasons. (That is a topic for another blog at another time. Look to the right and click on Pilates if you are interested in knowing more about it.) Some time back my mother and I attended a workshop specific to Pilates and golf. As a result my mom has built a solid "Pilates for Golf" program as a part of her Pilates instruction. She instructs approximately 8 female golfers twice weekly and each of them has seen their game improve by about 20-30 additional, STRAIGHT-er yards! I subbed a few of her classes last month and I was excited by her golf classes. I played golf in high school. NOW...let me be 100% honest and say that I was terrible. However, I am at least familiar with the "golf swing" which is ultimately helpful in trying to teach specific Pilates principles related to the game of golf. I have swung at the ball a couple of times since I became a Pilates instructor. It must be said....I can connect with loads more consistency if I address the ball with fundamental Pilates principals in mind.

Last weekend I decided to take myself out for a drink prior to meeting some of my friends at a bar. I love hotel bars and it just so happens that my favorite hotel bars is less than 2 minutes from my house. As I sat at the bar of The Omni I was forced to watch what was on television. As usual both televisions were set to ESPN and as it happens it was an entire program dedicated to "the baseball swing." The hosts were comparing "pretty, clean swings" to "uglier, less finessed swings" like Reggie Jackson. (Impressed, boys?) Through the haziness of olive juice, a splash of vodka and three plump olives I began thinking about Pilates and baseball. Not only is there a swing, there is a pitch, a throw, a catch, a slide, etc. etc. However, I am at a COMPLETE disadvantage here! There is no way I can teach Pilates specific to baseball if I do not know what a good swing, pitch, hit, throw feels like in my own body. A-ha! Now I just have to become familiar with these movements. Simple!

Later that evening I joined my friends for more drinks. (Don't worry....it was only a two martini night!) Most of these friends are currently playing in a co-ed, recreational softball league. I was discussing my thoughts with Rico and he suggested I meet them at the batting cages the following Monday. And so I did.....

Rico and Larry (below) were VERY KINDLY trying to explain to me alignment, foot placement, weight shifting, arm placement, follow through, wrist action, elbow angle.....the list goes on and on and on! I connected with the ball about 50% of the time....although never truly "solidly." (It must be said that Christine was ROCKIN' IT OUT in the cage next to me! Go girl....go Crispy!)

1 token=16 pitches....who would have thought 16 pitches could be so exhausting! Definitely needing to bump up the cardio!
Then things just got silly! I couldn't help but channel my "inner Girls Next Door softball episode!" (Photo is a little fuzzy, Pierson!)
Sara, Christine, Ainsley and Danica enjoying the warm summer evening at the batting cages.

Larry was kind enough to "gently" encourage me to TRY to catch a ball! Now...we all saw the video on this very blog of Ella throwing a plastic ball at me. NOT pretty. But in the spirit of research and investigation I accepted the challenge. (Plus as I have said before it is good to be scared sometimes!) Larry gave me his glove and tossed a few softballs at me. The first few just bounced right off the tip of the glove. He encouraged me to think of the glove as a "web" and to actually try to "grip" the softball once it made contact with the glove. Turns out if I hold the glove in front of my face I will be fairly safe and accident free! As it happens I was able to catch a lot of his soft, underhanded (I don't want to be dishonest) pitches if I used both hands. He also coached me a bit on throwing the ball back to him. And then I threw his softball right out of the property and there was no way to retrieve it! Sorry Larry.

It was then and there that I issued a challenge to myself....in front of Sara, Rico, Larry, Jace', Danica and Christine....I would study this so that I might one day be able to join them on a recreational team. Larry said, "Good, you have six weeks!" I said, "Uhm, no!" I was thinking more like NEXT SUMMER! Of course they were all quick to remind me that there is no crying in baseball or softball!

I will only briefly mention that I saw the Chupacabras play on Thursday. A valiant effort to stay undefeated my friends.....so terribly sorry for the loss! Shake it off....next week, next week!

It was often difficult to stay entertained at Southwestern University. Back then there wasn't much going on in Georgetown, TX. We didn't have a football team and the basketball team never drew much of a crowd. However our baseball team was solid and a lot of our friends were on the team. Some of my most precious college memories involve a big blanket, a Mobil coke, a double-header, a crisp spring day, books spread out (with the intent to study) and Ciara sitting right next to me!

So it was completely serendipitous, not to mention highly coincidental when Donna called to inform me she had gotten reservations to "Take Me Out!" Tickets to this play are highly sought after. In fact, she and I were unable to sit together. No matter....we were both very excited to see this play.

"Take me Out" was written by Richard Greenberg and directed by Frank Laston. Darren Lemming is a major league baseball phenom who is also openly homosexual. Most of the play takes place in the club house and examines how his honest admission affects his team mates and challenges some of his deepest personal relationships. While the play was three acts, the pace and tone made it feel like it flew by. Each character bounced dialog along side and around each other and the audience in a way that kept me connected....and at the edge of my seat....for the entire performance. I truly enjoyed this piece and I commend all of the performers. This play requires an inordinate amount of full male nudity. The nude performances were completely relevant to the content of the play. I am truly amazed that anyone can stand in front of a room full of people and act....fully clothed....let alone completely nude! Sorry ladies...this is the last weekend and both Saturday and Sunday performances are sold out! All joking aside....this is a great script. If you have the opportunity to see this play...take it.

"Democracy is lovely. But baseball is more mature."-Mason Marzac from Richard Greenberg's "Take Me Out"

Adventure is not outside; it is within.

So.....maybe I should find some "adventure within" and challenge myself to softball team-ship in 6 weeks? I mean...with Pilates as my foundation I can't fail, right Mom? Have a wonderful Saturday friends!

This blog is dedicated to the memory of my Tio Ciro Guerra who passed away three days ago. Often known to young children as "Oscar the Grouch" he was a very loving family man, savvy rancher and business man, wonderful father, grandfather and husband! His was a different brand of sarcasm and humor! One that I came to appreciate as an adult! My thoughts and prayers are with you Tia Anna!

Happy Fourth of July.....

Happy Independence Day! Plans for the day include sipping on Lavender Margaritas...because after all...red, white and blue DO make lavender....with my girls! Grandma will not be in attendance. Instead she has asked to spend the day with Mom and Dad grillin' in the sweltering heat! I am not sure she completely understands what she is missing. The Lavender Margaritas are refreshing and delicious!

Today I celebrate freedom! I celebrate this country and the freedoms I am allowed on a daily basis. I celebrate the individuals who make my freedoms possible. I celebrate our military, our veterans, our policy makers, our elected officials, our dear President. I celebrate our systems....as broken as some people may consider them....they are still the systems that are the foundation of the greatest country in the world. I celebrate the fact that I have the right to vote, the right to worship, the right to press these keys on this keyboard which allow me to share my thoughts, opinions, viewpoints, celebrations. While I very rarely...if ever..."gather" whether it be in support of or in protest of something...I celebrate the fact that I have the right to do so. Today I celebrate freedoms I don't even realize are freedoms because I take My American Life so terribly for granted. I mean...I should probably be celebrating the fact that I often lament over which brand of toothpaste might suit my needs best or which big box store is less annoying than the others. I celebrate that this country which allows my tiny, little, insignificant voice to be heard! I owe this country a great deal....and I know that I fall terribly short of my responsibilities as a citizen. However this year has been one of great shifts in paradigms...and I have realized my civic duty goes far beyond my employment in the public school system! I am challenging myself to be more pro-active in giving back to my community. And I expect you all to remind me of, and hold me to, this challenge. Deal? Cool!

And today...I celebrate the fact that my friend Todd has the freedom to express himself in his front yard by dressing up his flamingos for yet another holiday......

And he has yet to be kicked out of the neighborhood! Thanks again for sending me what is the equivalent of your "kid's photos!"

This quote is particularly relevant today...for a number of reasons. While I did not come over on the Mayflower (and I am fairly certain NONE of my relatives did either), and I did not witness the colonization of this country and I certainly was not in attendance at any important meeting in 1776...I can assume our founding fathers were operating on this basic assumption. Similarly, Joseph H. Pilates, born in Germany, came to this country to be the architect of his own happiness. He was a visionary and he knew that his vision could only be realized in this great nation. It is simple and direct....much the way I believe (and have heard first hand) Joseph H. Pilates delivered his knowledge and wisdom.

For some reason I am unable to scoot this graphic up....so I will say goodnight here! Happy Fourth of July! Stay safe and stay cool!