Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What She Really Means Is.....

Yes, is time for a new segment.  This segment allows me to tip toe to the brink of impropriety without actually diving into the pool.  Impropriety meaning....talking about my love life.  

I have ALWAYS sworn I would not air out any dirty laundry on this blog, even though Ciara swears I would increase my readership 1 million fold.  I, ever the sucker, have always said that there is no room for being disrespectful or for pointing fingers on this blog.  I have always prided myself on protecting the "innocent", but hell....NONE of them have been innocent. we go.

(By no means am I perfect.  By every means I could be fodder for several men's me.  I just want to own it up front and make you, the reader, aware that I, the writer, am MOST aware of my limitations....hauntingly so.)

Important note, I won't use names.  But, if we have ever may want to stay away from these particular segments.  I HIGHLY doubt any of you are keeping up with my life via "the blog" but who the hell knows.  Apparently I have an avid reader in Germany and a few in South America.  Given that, I suppose ANYONE could be a follower.  

I have given this topic an extraordinary amount of thought lately.  It really hit me on Valentine's Day.  I was not, and am currently not, involved with anyone so this Valentine's Day was of very little consequence to me.  In fact my mind was so involved in Silent Auction I hardly realized the MOST over-rated day of the year was upon us.

In fact, the day passed.  The following day I was having lunch with a friend of mine, Rebecca, and she mentioned that ALL the men at work said the exact same thing when she asked what they would be giving their respective partners for Valentine's Day.

Overwhelmingly, they shrugged and said, "Oh, she said she didn't want anything, so I am not getting her anything."  

Rebecca's response, of course, was, "Oh, come on.  You know you should get her a little something, right?"  

"No, she said I didn't need to get her anything." 

God love Rebecca, she tried to make each of them understand; but no one listened.

So, gentlemen, listen up.  Here's what she really means.....

She MIGHT, legitimately, mean that she doesn't really want or need anything at the present moment.  She might also feel that the money could be better spent on the bathroom remodel or on the new patio furniture you are looking forward to spending the spring hanging out on.  

This however, does not and should not, exempt you from making some sort of gesture.  We ladies are suckers for tiny little acts of kindness.  

Allow me to provide an example of what might have melted my heart.  Let's say I had a birthday, fairly recently.  Let's say it was the worst birthday of my life and I didn't get out of bed for 3 days because whatever age (35) I might be turning just wasn't settling well.  Let's say I was "seeing someone."  It was not a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, God forbid.  (Because that would be embarrassing, apparently, for him.) Anyhow, let's say I was trying to take the high road given that we weren't really an item.  Let's say, for the sake of argument, I made it clear that I just wanted a phone call, a text, a Facebook message and dinner with my parents two nights after my actual birthday.  In fact, let's say I officially exempted him from a card, a gift and having to hang out with me the evening of my birthday.  In a hypothetical world, let's say I had plans with my mother and some friends for my birthday.

Let's say he hit every nail right on the head.  Let's say he did do what I asked and didn't do what I didn't ask.  And let's say I didn't have "a pair" enough to say, "No, you WILL pick me up and take me out for a late night martini to celebrate my birthday."  And let's say that not only did he not do anything of his own accord and, in fact, was treated to an extraordinary meal by my parents at a local steak house.

Here's what might have been nice:  some small acknowledgement of his own that I was celebrating my birthday.  I think at that point one, tiny, Hershey kiss might have melted my heart.  Maybe a six pack on my back porch to celebrate the day?  A hand written note?  A hand picked weed flower?  A late night moon bath; holding my hand?  (It's August...there is always a meteor shower.)  Anything would have been wonderful!  Anything....

Don't get me wrong...I really did NOT want this hypothetical man to go out and spend any money on my birthday.  As I mentioned before....let's say this was not an "official" type of relationship.  Let's say there were some things working against us.  The point is; on days like birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas, ridiculous non official anniversaries....let her know you are aware and you appreciate her....even if she did ask you not to spend any money on her.

I think we TRY (some of us, at least) to be as LEAST high maintenance as we possibly can.  And it comes from a very genuine place.  We aren't asking for an Hermes Kelly bag or a pair of shoes that could finance a year in college.  Some of us really try to make being "our partners" a remarkably easy experience; because we know there are other areas in the relationship where we make you crazy.  But guys, listen to me, and listen to me well....a SMALL token of appreciation will get you everywhere.  Be creative; be thoughtful; heed the advice of your female friends and co workers, sisters and mothers.

I know we are complex creatures and our behavior makes little, if any, sense at all.  But I know I am 100% right on this one.

Now...some of you are lucky enough to have a gal that will tell you exactly what she wants.  Listen to her, too.  Or there might be hell to pay.

Stay tuned for more segments of "What she really means is...."

(PS.....While I am a professional, this is NOT professional advice.  This is unfortunate, accumulated experience both personal and shared.  So...take it for what it's worth...which is nothing because this website is available for free!)

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